Posts tagged unemployment
Workaholics go to meetings
Chapter 2: Nice and Easy (part 1)
Nov 12th
Sometime deep into a closed door meeting it was decided that employees must be kept happy in their workplace. There was much debate about what mechanism would be used in this endeavor, but one fact was undebatable. Any benefits that were to be put in place, they were to come at a minimum cost to the company while providing the maximum effect for recruitment and retainment. This is nothing new. Every company looks to keep costs down while keeping its workforce intact, growing, prospering. And every company looks to provide a wide enough array of benefits that it believes will satisfy those looking for something special, something that few others receive at their jobs.
The brainstorming made their heads spin and their tongues hurt, and it was then that the first ace was pulled out of a
sleeve and set the bar for the illusion of comfort and stability. Following in the footsteps of companies that love and appreciate their employees, this firm decided to set a “no limit” PTO (Paid Time Off) policy. Sounds great, doesn’t it? It sounded awesome when I first came across this concept. Just to think that there is no limit on how many days off I can take in a calendar year. No counting, no planning your days off months ahead. It started off that way for sure. No one in the company even gave this a second thought. If someone needed a day off, they just requested it, were granted it, and took it. If they needed a week off, same process. The trick for the supervisors was to look to the work ahead, rather than the amount of days off taken in the past. Nice and Easy.
In the grand scheme of things, however, this policy actually benefited the company as much as it benefited the employees. There’s something about human nature that keeps us civil, keeps us from taking advantage. With a policy devised specifically to be unlimited, it was remarkable how many people chose not to take advantage of it. And that’s where the company ate up the benefits. Grasp your mind around this concept – while there’s no limit on how many paid days you receive in a year, there are also no guaranteed days off. So if Joe Schmo worked his ass off for the entire year and took only 4 days off, there’s no fat check for the remainder coming. There’s no remainder to speak of. If Joe Schmo worked for a company that guaranteed employees PTO, even a basic package of say, 2 weeks vacation and 1 week sick, he would receive a check for the 11 days he didn’t take off. Or the PTO would carry over to the next year. Or if Joe was to quit or get fired, he’d receive a check for all the days that he earned and didn’t take. But not here. Here, if Joe took 2 days off or 12 days off, no one would really notice.
I’m not going to lie – there were plenty of Joes that took advantage. But there were also plenty of Joes that for whatever reason did not. They would wake up, come to work, do their time, and go home. The next day they’d do it all over again. And they only took off a day or a week during the holidays. May be an occasional sick day here and there. The system sparked my interest almost immediately. Are people afraid to ask for time off, I wondered? I had to research this further. It was an enormously useful recruiting and retention tool, yet was in effect a lesser cost than a standard PTO package. My interest was piqued. I had to quantify this phenomenon.
And then I fucked it all up…
You did WHAT?
Nov 11th
Welcome to our first installment of “You did WHAT?” where we discuss the latest news in the world of stupidity that leads to people being fired.
First up today, Larry Jones has been fired from Feed The Children, the very foundation he started more than 30 years ago. This comes after a year ago Larry tried to fire several top executives, as well as his own daughter who is the general counsel for the foundation. Things turned ugly, courts were involved, and a judge ruled to reinstate the fired executives. The firing came when it was discovered that Jones placed recording devices in several offices. This week, Larry Jones
fired back with a lawsuit of his own claiming that he was fired because of “reasons of personal malice and spite.”
…this has turned ugly a long time ago and we can expect to continue hearing about this feud…but placing recording devices in people’s offices…come on Larry…
In Boston, a police officer has been fired for allegedly texting a pic of male genitalia to a woman. Officer Michael Gonsalves told the Times in August he did text a photo of male genitalia to a woman, but said it was a joke, according to the paper.
ugh… umm… I’m sure there’s plenty of context missing here, and I’m willing to give Gonsalves the benefit of the doubt here… I guess the bigger question is, who is this woman?… one thing’s for sure – she definitely didn’t get the joke…
Here’s another great story: A Florida middle school teacher has been fired for drawing a map of the United States with Florida resembling a penis. When questioned about the disproportionate looking map by his middle-schoolers, Ryan Haraughty said, “Florida got excited.” The school board claimed that Haraughty created a sexually hostile environment and fired him.
ok, well, obviously it’s not his drawing skill that got Ryan fired, but his comment that followed… it’s clear that there was no intent of wrong doing, and we all know that kids in middle school are already clued in that they weren’t dropped off by a stork… but it’s important to remember that (a) they’re still kids and sexually oriented humor is not appropriate and that (b) you’re in a classroom – an environment where you should at least try to maintain professionalism and respectability.
Finally, in Minnesota, over 1200 janitors employed by ABM have been fired after the company carried out an audit prompted by Immigration and Customs Enforcement.
1200… wow… imagine if they carry out an audit in California and New York… but that’s a lot of illegals out of a job… but worry not, Minnesottans, there’s plenty more immigrants willing to clean your offices…
Feed The Children
Better LATE than never
Nov 11th
I grew tired of my job and really wanted to quit but I couldn’t afford to go without a paycheck. I’ve been trying to get
fired for the past 6 weeks. I pulled out all the tricks in the book: I was late all the time, missed meetings, ignored emails, and failed to hand in assignments. And then it finally happened. I can’t believe it took 6 weeks for them to make this decision…and I thought that I made it so much easier on them to kick me out. Oh well! My boss told me that he was through babying me…are you kidding? This company’s moral is so low that most coworkers just congratulated me on finally moving on. EVERYONE in this company has their resumes out on Monster looking for a new job. This place is truly run without thinking of the people they employ. All I gotta say is GOODBYE and Good riddance!
This post was submitted by Moley.
Introduction: You did WHAT?
Nov 11th
What I’ve realized since I started writing this blog is that there are a lot of firings in the news… every day there’s a story about a policeman or a teacher or a janitor doing something to get themselves fired. Needless to say the reasons range from stealing to overeating, and if it makes the news, it’s guaranteed to be controversial… or at least a worthy discussion… for me, what’s interesting is that the stories involve people who often hold important public positions – these are people who we rely on to educate our children, protect our streets, heal us, create laws, etc… and when the smoke clears and emotions move past, it’s quite remarkable how many individuals with rotten
characters are entrusted with positions where they are expected to set the bar and be a role model. I guess we are all allowed to be our own individuals behind closed doors, in privacy, and while this has been relatively easy to accomplish in the past, it’s obvious that this is no longer the case… living in a world overflowed with information and the advance of the internet, one has a much smaller capacity for keeping their private life private, and as such, more and more individuals become exposed for the person they are in private, rather than for their work performance while on the clock.
Today, we are launching a new segment on Fired! called, “You did WHAT?” where we will track and announce all the interesting and relevant firings from the news. This will be a good way to put all the interesting stories in one place without having to pick one or two most interesting and ditch the rest… of course, stories that are real “special” will get their own post and discussion, but this will be a great way to build up our collection of stories of stupidity that leads to termination…bring every fired story to the top, and help you avoid a similar situation.
Feel free to comment or spark discussion on any of the topics.
Scrubbed Out
Oct 27th
Have you ever watched Scrubs and thought that no janitor could really be that bad? Not only do I have a good story to prove I was a terrible janitor but it’s all documented on video! 
I cleaned on 2nd shift for about 2 hours out of an 8 hour shift…hmm what to do with 6 hours of free time? Normally I would sleep or watch TV but after hundreds of hours of time theft I decided to make funny videos with my co-janitor….and hospital security guard who also hated his job!
Because the security guard was in on all the videos he was able to cover for us, he would often be a lookout while we filmed in the hospital to make sure no one was around.
Here’s a quick list of top things we did/filmed: Read the rest of this entry »
This post was submitted by X Janitor.
Workaholics go to meetings
Chapter 1: Entrance (part 2)
Oct 20th
I jumped right into work like a seasoned professional. Accounts receivable, accounts payable, QuickBooks, taxes. The only thing that really qualified me for the job was a nine-month stint doing bookkeeping for a small Long Island company. My Poly-Sci undergrad degree was of no help here, and even though I’ve taken several business classes, I knew nothing about running a company. But I HAVE been employed in a number of different settings ever since my sophomore year in high school, and felt comfortable handling bosses, owners, coworkers. But all those were small family businesses, all lacking the PC world of larger, “more professional” offices. These places also lacked the kind of office politics so many of us hate, yet are used to in the demeaning and impersonal corporate world.
There is a lot one can learn for an ethics or business course, but nothing could ever prepare you to be thrust into a social setting of brainwashed kids fueled by hopes and dreams, and the load of shit-sugar coating dumped on them by whoever they interviewed with. Yes, they were kids. The oldest was just about 23, as they were all recruited straight out of college and molded into an “ideal” employee. This made perfect sense after all, it’s much easier to start with a blank slate than to try to re-program a person’s mind. And it all came from the top. From both of them. And they were good. Very good.
The face of general politeness around the office hid beneath it not a trace of sincerity. The half-smiles, the eye nods, the group lunches, they were all present. Read the rest of this entry »










